Thursday, June 29, 2000 in I Forgot To Pick A Category

The much-touted Rules of Our Household.

Side note:
Some of these rules may seem odd. They were made as the need arose. Believe it or not. Also, these are not carved in stone.

1.The tv is not to be turned on until schoolwork is completed. Or housework, as applicable.

2. On Christmas morning, you are not allowed to get out of bed before 6 am. Same goes for the adults.

3. It is not an emergency unless the blood is dripping.

4. No bringing dead things into the house.

5. No bringing live things into the house.

6. No playing with dead things.

7. No playing with live animals. Remember, chickens don’t like to slide.

8. Only one person at a time is allowed in the bathroom while Mommy is on the toilet. Daddy is exempt and can overrule another’s presence.

9. Whoever cooks the meal doesn’t have to clean up after it. That means the dining room table, not the kitchen.

10. Cleaning your room does not mean “push it all in a corner or under the bed”.

11. Knives must be used with adult supervision.

12. All candies brought into the household are subject to the Parent Tax, by which each parent is entitled to no less than 5% of said candy. Candies may also be confiscated and handed out as deemed appropriate by the warden.

13. Bad Words are subject to a tax of 25 cents. This applies to adults as well as children. If you didn’t know it was a bad word, you only have three chances to say it. If you say the bad word, you have to pay *each* person who heard the full amount of 25 cents.

14. Mommy is exempt from handling dead animals, such as mice in a trap or a mangled chicken in the yard. She is entitled to handle only such things as we eat.

15. No playing with string longer than six feet.

16. Your dirty clothes do not magically transform into clean ones in your dresser. You must actually move them from the floor to the laundry basket in the bathroom. It’s right next to the large white box, commonly known as a washer. Somehow, Daddy is also exempt from this.

17. You are allowed to protest any rule with phrases such as, “Do I *have* to?” Each protest will be carefully considered and answered with an automatic “Yes.” Eye-rolling and emphatic sighing does not help your case.

18. In cases where a child endeavors to weigh the odds in his favour by separately asking permission from the parents in hopes of differing answers, said parents are entitled to a private conference. Gotcha.

19. Do not try to pull a fast one while one parent is busy with one or more of your siblings. The other parent will catch you. This is know as Tag-Team parenting.

20. Hugs and kisses are tax exempt, free, and available at all times. After you’ve been tucked in, however, you’re just getting a tiny one.


  1. […] You have to read the rules of our household. It’s a classic. The explaination behind some of the rules is almost as funny as the rule itself. […]