The hard bits nobody talks about
Last week, on one of the few times I caught Dr Phil, he had a family who (naturally) was out of control and a father who was not connecting. (I think it was a re-run, I can’t find it on the site.) Turns out they were homeschooling too, and Dr Phil told them to stop it right away so they could get their family on track. In their specific situation, I did agree that the mom needed to stop with the home-ed, not necessarily send them off to school, because she was clearly burnt out and the look on her face was just shell-shock trying to deal with *everything* while her husband was gone 6 days out of seven.
The irony of that part of Dr Phils’ advice is that school is almost out, and if the family works at it, the kids wouldn’t “need” to be put in school in September. Ron did not agree with the send-them-back advice at all, but it did occur to us later that it was quite possible that the husband was just not on board with the whole homeschooling thing. Actually, he just seemed not on board with the whole family thing either. I’d also be willing to bet real actual money that they also used a school-at-home approach and/or a boxed curriculum.
You know what? I have half a mind to write Dr Phil and ask him if he can show us some families who have got it together for a change.
This is a lead in to my point here, the one I try feebly to make when I get asked, “Who should NOT homeschool?” The thing I find nobody tells you about the home educating experience is that, if you have any problems with your family, it will bring them to light or exacerbate them. I would also like to stress a whole bunch that it is not homeschooling in and of itself, but the nature of being at home all day or in close contact with your family.
Sending the kids somewhere else doesn’t deal with any problems. It hands it off to someone else for them to deal with. It puts off what’s really going on. I’m not going to say it’s been all love and sunshine here all the time; we’ve had our fair share of problems to work through. I think the really good part to al this is because we are in close contact all the time, we really do know what’s going on with our kids, how they are feeling, and are able to see some thing coming, instead of being blindsided by what most people would call typical teen experiences.
When you are homeschooling, you are pretty much forced to deal with your family, like it or not. And fix it. Fix it, because if you don’t everything falls apart. And then what’s the point, really?
I had a friend tell me that she could never homeschool because she can’t stand being around her kids all day. I know she loves her kids, but at least she was honest. Making the decision to homeschool, which most people will tell you is the hardest part, causes you to actually *think* about these things. Most people (generally speaking) seem to not want to think about these things. That’s that hard part – thinking about your kids, how you want them to turn out. You have to face a lot of things about yourself, your partner, and life.
That’s all we’re trying to do – get people to think. Think, and tackle life head-on, putting your family first.
(Wow, I match up with Dr Phil’s new tagline…)
5 Responses to “The hard bits nobody talks about”
That is really well put, Andrea! Not to change the point, but people do say they couldn’t stand to be with their kids or have the patience to me on a regular basis too. I’m always very polite about it, but when I think on it, the people who say this are usually women I know who stayed home with their kids for the first 2 to 4 years anyway so they were able to stand it then. I think they just have a faulty assumption that school-aged children need something they are unable to provide timewise and energywise. Which I don’t think is true,if you are active in your commmunity.
“Sending the kids somewhere else doesn’t deal with any problems. It hands it off to someone else for them to deal with. It puts off what’s really going on.”
That’s exactly why I’m keeping my oldest at home again next year, despite everyone from my husband to my parents telling me I should send him to private school. It would be the easy thing for me to do, but it wouldn’t be right for him. It has been anything but smooth sailing for the last 4 years, but I’m still not going to be the one to say I give up. I’m just going to keep working at it because I really feel like that’s the only good choice here.
We had a neighbor that had a baby after 40 when she thought she was done with diapers and
potty training and she really could not handle being around her toddler. She’d put him to
bed at 6 and was always complaining of being tired and having no time for herself. So she
made time for herself. Last we heard she and her husband were in jail due to neglect of the kids – they left them alone until 2am when the oldest called the police department and said he didn’t know where his mom was –
and the kids are now in foster care. I know this is an extreme case, though.
I don’t know, I think the problems can be exacerbated by school. Think how tired and stressed out kids get at school and then they come home for however few hours a day it is after storing up all the stress and dump it off at home. Maybe those people who school their children don’t really know who their children are well enough to say they don’t like them?
You have no idea how much this hits home with all we have struggled with this year. Our oldest has been through things that I am so glad we have been at home to deal with instead of hearing it from a teacher and having to be in her office every day with her as a moderator. You are so right about HSing bringing things to light. It sure has made our family stronger in dealing with things as a family in this manner. Thanks for sharing this!