It’s about time

It’s weird, not waking up to an alarm after so many years. No pulling myself out of bed and stumbling to a laptop to check on the neverending help desk of tickets and Slack conversations and issues that might have cropped up overnight.

I lay there and wait, usually. Wait for my eyes to adjust to the dark room, my ears to fully open (they are always first) and listen for the sounds of the traffic.

A dozen cars in a row, turning the corner, means it’s 7:30ish, up here on the ridge. The perfect time to get downtown around 8. Except I can lay there until at least 8, when my reminder to take the morning meds dings at me. By then I usually have more than one eye open, scrolling through Twitter replies and Facebook ones that have happened overnight. Checking Twitter for any local news, with greater more orange and frustrating words muted. It’s a lot different with most of the have-to WordPress news gone. A lot lighter. Weird too how different things are even from this time last year – let alone two.

I can stretch a bit. Catalogue what parts of my aging self are hurting or tense, or not today. Open the curtain and gaze at the sunrise, late and low in the winter. Take my time.

I can sit here – tea and toast – two tiny slices from the smallest loaf of expensive bread I have ever seen, lightly skimmed with peanut butter and apple jelly, like when I was a kid – comforted by the simple life before when I was kid.

I don’t have to hit the ground running. There’s another hour anyway before my youngest (the only kid left in the house and now an adult) even gets out of bed or is ready for conversation. An hour or so before I see the first customer of the day after flipping the sign on the front door.

But messages are trickling in. A Facebook ping here, an email, a reminder from the husband. I haven’t looked at my planner yet but I know what’s there, as today’s quilt is right next to me, nagging. It’s been there a week since I’m a little stumped, but I’ll push through. I have a headache that is dissipating, from the late night out at a guild meeting where someone gave me two more of their quilts for me to finish, so the pile is growing.

It’s different, the things I do now. It’s more relaxed. And even though I woke with my usual late night crash hard sinus headache, there’s no more neck tension from endless days of sitting at a laptop for hours. No more teeth grinding and jaw clenching. No more grind 24/7, and a whole lot more of just taking it easy and unlearning bad work habits.

No one to tell me what I’m supposed to do next either, and no one to hand the work off to, so that’s a whole other post I guess.

It’s different, and I had to get used to the quiet and my own thoughts and being the sole person responsible for handling things. Also not panicking and freezing because of that.

I’ve been trying a lot of new things, or new to me now or things I haven’t done in literally years. This weird bit of being a strong independent woman and business owner. This part where I have to get used to taking care of myself for a change.

I’m going to try this new thing – morning pages if you’re prone to old school thinking. Everything blogged is new again if you’re into the tech side. I guess?

Ah look, tea refilling time and moving on with today.

Published by andrea

Older, possibly wiser, still forgetful.