I’m on holidays until next Wednesday.  Life is becoming very busy, more about that later, when I know all the facts.   So to keep you amused (and make my blogging easier) here’s a few sarcastic retorts.  If only I could remember these words when I need them.

Some people stay longer in an hour than others can in a week.” William Dean Howells

“Sometimes I need what only you can provide: your absence.” Ashleigh Brilliant

“There’s nothing wrong with you that reincarnation won’t cure.” Jack E. Leonard

“You’re a good example of why some animals eat their young.” Jim Samuels

“I’ve just learned about his illness. Let’s hope it’s nothing trivial.” Irvin S. Cobb

“If you ever become a mother, can I have one of the puppies?” Charles Pierce

“Pushing forty? She’s hanging on for dear life.” Ivy Compton-Burnett

“I didn’t attend the funeral, but I sent a nice letter saying I approved of it.” Mark Twain

“I married your mother because I wanted children, imagine my disappointment when you came along.”
Groucho Marx

“I feel so miserable without you, it’s almost like having you here.” Stephen Bishop

“I have never killed a man, but I have read many obituaries with great pleasure.” Clarence Darrow

“Remember men, we’re fighting for this woman’s honor; which is probably more than she ever did.”
Groucho Marx

“He hasn’t an enemy in the world – but all his friends hate him.” Eddie Cantor

“I can’t believe that out of 100,000 sperm, you were the quickest.”Steven Pearl

“Fine words! I wonder where you stole them.” Jonathan Swift

“You have a good and kind soul. It just doesn’t match the rest of you.” Norm Papernick

“The trouble with her is that she lacks the power of conversation but not the power of speech.”
George Bernard Shaw

“There goes the famous good time that was had by all.” Bette Davis

Some folks are wise and some are otherwise.”"Tobias George Smolett

“Be careful when reading health books; you may die of a misprint.”Mark Twain

“Some folks seem to have descended from the chimpanzee later than others.” Kin Hubbard

“That woman speaks eight languages and can’t say “no” in any of them.” Dorothy Parker

“She’s so pure, Moses couldn’t even part her knees.” Joan Rivers

“Ordinarily he is insane. But he has lucid moments when he is only stupid.”
Heinrich Heine