September?

The breezes taste
Of apple peel.
The air is full
Of smells to feel-
Ripe fruit, old footballs,
Burning brush,
New books, erasers,
Chalk, and such.
The bee, his hive,
Well-honeyed hum,
And Mother cuts
Chrysanthemums.
Like plates washed clean
With suds, the days
Are polished with
A morning haze.”
-   John Updike, September
Tonight’s low will be 22 degrees celsius.  With day time highs of 32 before you factor in the humidity, it’s seems more like July then September.  This is day two of a projected 5 day heat wave, then on Saturday we can expect a hurricane by the name of Earl.  Doesn’t get much more exciting.

I’m on holidays until next Wednesday.  Life is becoming very busy, more about that later, when I know all the facts.   So to keep you amused (and make my blogging easier) here’s a few sarcastic retorts.  If only I could remember these words when I need them.

Some people stay longer in an hour than others can in a week.” William Dean Howells

“Sometimes I need what only you can provide: your absence.” Ashleigh Brilliant

“There’s nothing wrong with you that reincarnation won’t cure.” Jack E. Leonard

“You’re a good example of why some animals eat their young.” Jim Samuels

“I’ve just learned about his illness. Let’s hope it’s nothing trivial.” Irvin S. Cobb

“If you ever become a mother, can I have one of the puppies?” Charles Pierce

“Pushing forty? She’s hanging on for dear life.” Ivy Compton-Burnett

“I didn’t attend the funeral, but I sent a nice letter saying I approved of it.” Mark Twain

“I married your mother because I wanted children, imagine my disappointment when you came along.”
Groucho Marx

“I feel so miserable without you, it’s almost like having you here.” Stephen Bishop

“I have never killed a man, but I have read many obituaries with great pleasure.” Clarence Darrow

“Remember men, we’re fighting for this woman’s honor; which is probably more than she ever did.”
Groucho Marx

“He hasn’t an enemy in the world – but all his friends hate him.” Eddie Cantor

“I can’t believe that out of 100,000 sperm, you were the quickest.”Steven Pearl

“Fine words! I wonder where you stole them.” Jonathan Swift

“You have a good and kind soul. It just doesn’t match the rest of you.” Norm Papernick

“The trouble with her is that she lacks the power of conversation but not the power of speech.”
George Bernard Shaw

“There goes the famous good time that was had by all.” Bette Davis

Some folks are wise and some are otherwise.”"Tobias George Smolett

“Be careful when reading health books; you may die of a misprint.”Mark Twain

“Some folks seem to have descended from the chimpanzee later than others.” Kin Hubbard

“That woman speaks eight languages and can’t say “no” in any of them.” Dorothy Parker

“She’s so pure, Moses couldn’t even part her knees.” Joan Rivers

“Ordinarily he is insane. But he has lucid moments when he is only stupid.”
Heinrich Heine

Stress

A lecturer, when explaining stress management to an audience, raised a glass of water and asked;
‘How heavy is this glass of water?’

Answers called out ranged from 20g to 500g.

The lecturer replied, ‘The absolute weight doesn’t matter. It depends on how long you try to hold it.
If I hold it for a minute, that’s not a problem.If I hold it for an hour, I’ll have an ache in my right arm.
If I hold it for a day, you’ll have to call an ambulance. In each case, it’s the same weight, but the longer I hold it, the heavier it becomes.’

He continued, ‘And that’s the way it is with stress management.If we carry our burdens all the time, sooner or later,
As the burden becomes increasingly heavy, We won’t be able to carry on. ‘

‘As with the glass of water, You have to put it down for a while and rest before holding it again.
When we’re refreshed, we can carry on with the burden.’

‘So, before you return home tonight, put the burden of work down. Don’t carry it home. You can pick it up tomorrow.

Whatever burdens you’re carrying now, Let them down for a moment if you can.’
So, my friend, Put down anything that may be a burden to you right now. Don’t pick it up again until after you’ve rested a while.

Here are some great ways of dealing with the burdens of life:

* Accept that some days you’re the pigeon, And some days you’re the statue.

* Always keep your words soft and sweet, Just in case you have to eat them.

* Always wear stuff that will make you look good. If you die in the middle of it.

* Drive carefully. It’s not only cars that can be “recalled” by their maker.

* If you can’t be kind, at least have the decency to be vague.

* If you lend someone $20 and never see that person again, It was probably worth it.

* It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to be kind to others.

* Never put both feet in your mouth at the same time, Because then you won’t have a leg to stand on.

* Nobody cares if you can’t dance well. Just get up and dance.

* When everything’s coming your way, You’re in the wrong lane.

* Birthdays are good for you. The more you have, the longer you live.

* You may be only one person in the world, But you may also be the world to one person.

* Some mistakes are too much fun to only make once.

* We could learn a lot from crayons…Some are sharp, some are pretty and some are dull. Some have weird names, and all are different colors, but they all have to live in the same box. (My personal favourite).

*A truly happy person is one who can enjoy the scenery on a detour.  Here`s hoping your day is stress free.

Aprons

My friend Bridget sent this.  Brought back a few memories.

Remember making an apron in Home Ec.? I don’t think our kids know what an apron is.

The principal use of Grandma’s apron was to protect the dress underneath,because she only had a few,it was easier to wash aprons than dresses and they used less material, but along with that, it served as a potholder for removing hot pans from the oven.

It was wonderful for drying children’s tears, and on occasion was even used for cleaning out dirty ears.

From the chicken coop, the apron was used for carrying eggs, fussy chicks, and sometimes half-hatched eggs to be finished in the warming oven.

When company came, those aprons were ideal hiding places for shy kids.

And when the weather was cold grandma wrapped it around her arms.

Those big old aprons wiped many a perspiring brow,bent over the hot wood stove.

Chips and kindling wood were brought into the kitchen in that apron.

From the garden, it carried all sorts of vegetables. After the peas had been shelled, it carried out the hulls.
In the fall, the apron was used to bring in apples that had fallen from the trees.

When unexpected company drove up the road, it was surprising how much furniture that old apron could dust in a matter of seconds.

When dinner was ready, Grandma walked out onto the porch, waved her apron, and the menfolks knew it was time to come in from the fields to dinner.

It will be a long time before someone invents something that will replace that ‘old-time apron’ that served so many purposes.

Grandma used to set her hot baked apple pies on the window sill to cool. Her granddaughters set theirs on the window sill to thaw.

They would go crazy now trying to figure out how many germs were on that apron. I don’t think I ever caught anything from an apron.

New Year’s Day

… now is the accepted time to make your regular annual good resolutions. Next week you can begin paving hell with them as usual.   Mark Twain

Thank you for reading by blog, and for leaving comments this past year.

May 2010 bring you days of peace, happiness, health, love, incredible journeys, and a few tears. For without a few sad days you will not  appreciate how truly blessed you are.

I like being me.

My DH and I are having an evening of culture (watching The Hangover). This time of the year, we need to sit back and reflect, to be a bit easier on ourselves.   Tonight forget about the presents to be wrapped, the shopping to be done.  Christmas will come……….and go, whether you are ready or not! Snuggle with your sweet heart and watch a good comedy.

I would never trade my amazing friends, my wonderful life, my loving family for less gray hair or a flatter belly. As I’ve aged, I’ve become kinder to myself, and less critical of myself. I’ve become my own friend. I don’t chide myself for eating that extra cookie, or for not making my bed, or for buying that silly cement gecko that I didn’t need, but looks so avante garde on my patio. I am entitled to a treat, to be messy, to be extravagant.

I have seen too many dear friends leave this world too soon; before they understood the great freedom that comes with aging.

Whose business is it if I choose to read or play on the computer until 4 AM and sleep until noon? I will dance with myself to those wonderful tunes of the 60 &70′s, and if I, at the same time, wish to weep over a lost love … I will.

I will walk the beach in a swim suit that is stretched over a bulging body, and will dive into the waves with abandon if I choose to, despite the pitying glances from the jet set. They, too, will get old..

I know I am sometimes forgetful. But there again, some of life is just as well forgotten. And I eventually remember the important things.

Sure, over the years my heart has been broken. How can your heart not break when you lose a loved one, or when a child suffers, or even when somebody’s beloved pet gets hit by a car? But broken hearts are what give us strength and understanding and compassion. A heart never broken is pristine and sterile and will never know the joy of being imperfect.

I am so blessed to have lived long enough to have my hair turning gray, and to have my youthful laughs be forever etched into deep grooves on my face.. So many have never laughed, and so many have died before their hair could turn silver.

As you get older, it is easier to be positive. You care less about what other people think. I don’t question myself anymore. I’ve even earned the right to be wrong.

I like being old. It has set me free. I like the person I have become. I am not going to live forever, but while I am still here, I will not waste time lamenting what could have been, or worrying about what will be. And I shall eat dessert every single day(if I feel like it).

My Christmas diet

As last year CHristmas diet did not work (I gained 7 pounds), I am ready to change my eating habits.   Here are a few types I found on the Internet.

HOLIDAY EATING TIPS -

1. Avoid carrot sticks. Anyone who puts carrots on a holiday buffet table knows nothing of the Christmas spirit. In fact, if you see carrots, leave immediately. Go next door, where they’re serving rum balls.

2. Drink as much eggnog as you can. And quickly. It’s rare. You can’t find it any other time of year but now. So drink up! Who cares that it has 10,000 calories in every sip? It’s not as if you’re going to turn into an eggnog-alcoholic or something. It’s a treat. Enjoy it. Have one for me. Have two. It’s later than you think. It’s Christmas!

3. If something comes with gravy, use it. That’s the whole point of gravy. Gravy does not stand alone. Pour it on. Make a volcano out of your mashed potatoes. Fill it with gravy. Eat the volcano. Repeat.

4. As for mashed potatoes, always ask if they’re made with skim milk or whole milk. If it’s skim, pass. Why bother? It’s like buying a sports car with an automatic transmission.

5. Do not have a snack before going to a party in an effort to control your eating. The whole point of going to a Christmas party is to eat other people’s food for free. Lots of it. Hello?

6. Under no circumstances should you exercise between now and New Year’s. You can do that in January when you have nothing else to do. This is the time for long naps, which you’ll need after circling the buffet table while carrying a 10-pound plate of food and that vat of eggnog.

7. If you come across something really good at a buffet table, like frosted Christmas cookies in the shape and size of Santa, position yourself near them and don’t budge. Have as many as you can before becoming the center of attention. They’re like a beautiful pair of shoes. If you leave them behind, you’re never going to see them again.

8. Same for pies. Apple. Pumpkin. Mincemeat. Have a slice of each. Or if you don’t like mincemeat, have two apples and one pumpkin. Always have three. When else do you get to have more than one dessert? Labor Day?

9. Did someone mention fruitcake? Granted, it’s loaded with the mandatory, celebratory calories, but avoid it at all cost. I mean, have some standards.

10. One final tip: If you don’t feel terrible when you leave the party or get up from the table, you haven’t been paying attention. Re-read tips; start over, but hurry, January is just around the corner. Remember this motto to live by:

“Life should NOT be a journey to the grave with the intention of arriving safely in an attractive and well preserved body, but rather to skid in sideways, chocolate in one hand, glass of wine in the other, body thoroughly used up, totally worn out and screaming, “WOO HOO, what a ride!”

The Christmas count down

“Christmas is a time of little time.
How we get there is a mystery.
Racing madly mall-to-mall, we climb
Into fields of sunlit harmony.
Shopping, cooking, clearing walks and yards,
Trimming house and tree while working, too;
Making phone calls, wrapping, writing cards,
As all worn out we do what we must do
So that this day of joy might joy renew.”
- Nicholas Gordon

It seems hard to believe there is only 30 days remaining in this year. Where does the time go? When my children were small the days were a rush of swimming lessons, piano, skating, brownies, school concerts……..the list goes on and on.   My children are grown now, but still the days rush forward, sometimes so fast, the year is simply a blur.

The idea that no one is perfect is a view most commonly held by people with no grandchildren. ~Doug Larson

Carl and I both slept in this morning after a wonderful, hectic, fun filled extra long weekend with the grand-daughters. Usually when we visit we stay at the hotel, as we are early risers and they are night owls.  But as Ron and Andrea were off cavorting in NYC, we nestled down in Sarah’s room. With so many DVDs to watch, and so much to do, we all adjusted our sleeping schedules.

My youngest grand-daughter Emma kept the activities coming one after another. Emma will be a politician when she grows up. If she works a crowd the way she works her grandparents, she will be the prime minister by the time she is thirty. Since she was old enough to crawl she has always spent equal time with Carl and I, showing no favourite. Emma and I designed quilt patterns both on paper and with plastic fusion beads.   Here’s one of her original designs which she wants made into a full size quilt.

Carl and Emma did a few walk abouts around the house, played on the Wii, shot pool, let him win at cards and read books together.   As a family we watch DVDs especially Wall-E and Shrek 3 (especially the commentaries), sang silly songs, went shopping, went on walks, shopped for pyjamas and  (as a special consideration to the grandparents) watched the news.   During the news, most of what came out of that little 8 year olds’ mouth, made more sense than the politicians we were watching.   She has very definite but well informed views on global warming, the H1N1 vaccine and the celebrating of Christmas as Baby Jesus birthday and not a gift giving extravaganza.

As grandparents it was our duty to see that the children ate properly.  The proof is in this picture of our visit to Dairy Queen.  Every one knows you eat sprinkled ice cream before the fries.

On Sunday afternoon we drove to Bath for a visit  with my sister Boo, where we enjoyed old fashioned molasses cookies and bread fresh from the oven.   When we returned home, Meaghan quickly mixed up a batch of bread.  Half was used to make pizza crust for supper. The other loaf was enjoyed the next morning with raspberry jam also made by Meaghan.  Each meal Meaghan would prepare the vegetables,  my job was to cook the meat (as she is vegetarian).  I was also allowed to prepare Kraft dinner for lunch under the watchful eye and strict directions of Emma.  Apparently I prepared it wrong the last time.

Besides making a batch of toblerone fudge, Meaghan also did all the dishes.  She also presented us with her home made soap, one bar of aloe vera and a bar of cinnamon soap. As a grand-daughters go,  she is definitely a keeper!

By the time, Andrea and Ron arrived home Monday afternoon we were ready to say our goodbyes, already looking forward to next month’s visit.

I mediate, I do yoga and I chant

……………..and I still want to smack someone!

It has been one of those weeks, but luckily I have a good friend to help me through it.  Thanks Win for the great card, see you back at the gym Monday morning.