My very early childhood was a mess. The first two weeks of my life, no one wanted me or fed me till finally my Grandmother came to stay with me for a short period of time. When something triggers me, that period of time is were I go emotionally. With Mary Jane- therapist help, I am learning to get out of the hole myself. Last session she gave me this poem and I debated telling all of you out there that read this scramble of words that I was back in the hole again. I am in #2 paragraph, better than not even seeing the hole 
I found some “grandmother” types, kind and caring, to help me back up. Thank you. May there be more gentle folk in this world. Don’t worry Kathy….I am doing fine
I found some “grandmother” types, kind and caring, to help me back up. Thank you. May there be more gentle folk in this world. Don’t worry Kathy….I am doing fine THERE’S A HOLE IN MY SIDEWALK
1) 1 walk down the street.
There is a deep hole in the sidewalk
I fall in.
I am lost.. I am hopeless.
It isn’t my fault.
It takes forever to find a way out.
2) 1 walk down the same street.
There is a deep hole in the sidewalk.
I pretend I don ‘t see it.
I fall in again.
I can ‘t believe I’m in the same place.
But it isn’t my fault.
It still takes a long time to get out.
3) 1 walk down the same street.
There is a deep hole in the sidewalk
I see it is there.
I still fall in.. it’s a habit
My eyes are open
I know where I am
It is my fault.
I get out immediately.
4) 1 walk down the same street
There is a deep hole in the sidewalk
I walk around it.
5) 1 walk down another street.
There’s a Hole in My Sidewalk, ~ Portia Nelson, © 1989, Stonebarn Publishers
Paragraph #2 is much better than #1..keep fighting
You will reach #3
San, I am so sorry that you have been feeling such pain. I think Kathy Mason put it beautifully–and I agree with her. What’s in your favor is that you are a fighter, and there are a lot of people who love you.
Years ago I too was introduced to there’s a hole in my sidewalk. Someday soon you to will be walking down another street. Hang in there!